A final Fantatasy Xmas
by Alan Bates
Summary: just a quick little parody


I don't own anything mentioned here. Just thought you should know that.

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the place

Auron was running around drunk acting quite the disgrace

Auron: *hic* I don't *hic* carry this jug fer nothing' ya *hic* ya' *hic* know

With bourbon in hand he ran into the snow

And started singing carols (off key)

With a smelly Ronso

Kimahri: Jangel……..bells………jangle………bells

Auron: jingle….bel*hic* jing *hic* 'ell bells…..^#@% it's cold out here. I'm going back inside.

The stockings were stuck to the chimney with glue

(except for Wakka's, who didn't get it and hung up his shoe)

  
Yuna and Rikku were getting ready for sleep

Trying best to forget Seymour, (that stupid creep)  
Then Auron walked in and drank another nightcap.

He walked over to me and gave my face a hard slap

Tidus: OWW! What was that for (*SLAP*) OWW! Cut it out!

Auron: Open the &#%$#$ sash.

Tidus: But we haven't got that that part …(*SLAP*) oww..I'll get it! I'll get it! Just give em a second.

  
When out on the lawn there arose such a loud din  
We ran to the window half expecting Sin.  
Away to the window I flew like a flash,  
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash. 

Tidus: there! I got the sash! Happy now? (*SLAP*) Oww!

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow  
Gave the luster of mid-day to objects below,  
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,  
But a chocobo pulled sleigh driven by a guy that looked queer.

Lulu: Allow me to elaborate something. He means queer as in strange odd…

Tidus: No I don't

The driver's hair defied all physical laws

So I knew right there it must be Seymour Clause

Wakka: Seymour Clause?

Tidus: shut up, do you think it's easy coming up with al these rhymes?

More rapid that cactuars

These chocobos came,

And he ranted and raved as he called them by name.

"Now Choco, on Boco, on Chico, Grouch and Larry

On Moe, on Curly, on Sally and Harry!

To the top of the roof! Then…….that place over there!

Now dash away dash away and hey, easy on the hair

  
Quickly we started a fire and grabbed all our tools to fight

Ready for Seymour when he same in from the night.

We stood facing the chimney all ready for war

We Seymour surprised us and kicked open the door!

He was dressed all in robes and carried a large sack

(And lets not forget his do'. Was his hair dresser on crack?)

His eyes --they seemed evil! His fingers way long

And from underneath the robe you could catch a glimpse of a golden thong.

Wakka: T'anks. I gonna have night mare 'bout that tonight now.

His veins how did twitch far to large from his head

And his complexion was so place

You'd swear he was dead.

He had a nasty grin

Than seemed to promise us harm

And his smell……

Wakka: Phew on, you get back from de' farm?

Seymour: I realized after al this, I'd have no political career

And maybe I should fire my advisor (or cut back on the beer)

But I've decided to go out and lay Santa this year.

He gave us no other greeting and went straight to his work

(as he walked by me I called him a jerk)

He approached our stockings and a smile crossed his face.

Then he grabbed our stocking and hurled them into the fire place

There was nothing we could do

And nothing we could say

And no presents would be waiting there for us come Christmas day.

The he threw his large bag to the floor

"Now let's se what you get from Santa Seymour."

"A hair dye kit for Tidus

Cause you look too much like Cloud Strife.

And a honeymoon vacation for Yuna my wife."

"Auron gets liquor in a nice cold glass."

Auron: I've *hic* changed my mind *hic* about *hic* about *hic* I like you

"Some pliers for Lulu. To pull that stick out of her …."

Wakka: 'HEY! Watch it. Dis is suppose at' be a kids story, yah?

"Hooked on Phonics to help Wakka with his diction

And for Rikku and went and downloaded some free fan fiction"

Rikku: gee…how thoughtful

"what about Kimahri?" the Ronso said with a frown

"I didn't forget you. I just went and killed you whole town."

As we all stood there shocked, our jaws dropped to the floor

Seymour turned around and walked straight out the door.

But with all I've seen in my years, I still don't quite get

That visit from Seymour that I wish I could forget.


End file.
